So, I Suck at blogging, I'm a slacker, who uses one finger on a phone. I am slightly OCD, a shitty speller, and get extremely tired of myself.
I will now attempt to allow myself the freedom to express my truest feelings, without 15 edits. You have been warned.
it's 1:32 am, there are COYWOLVES(YES THEY DO EXIST) Howling next to my house. I am without a doubt loosing my mind, and I really don't care. The last few months have been a ride through crazytown. Up, then down, manageable, and then Holyfuckballs! EVERY feckin day is a new Mountain to cross, a new hurdle to leap, a new Crisis to handle. Everything from daily Chaos, to Death. I know "That's Life" but I'm tired. I need to find a way to not give a shit. When people I Love, or even folk I barely know are hurting, I'm affected. If I could just keep the empathy and sadness at arms length, I would probably feel better. The problem is, the people CLOSEST to me are going through some REALLY bad stuff, Immediate family! I HAVE A LOT OF FAMILY! I wish I could fix everything and everyone all of the time! (God Complex! ?) I hate having to sit by, and watch things fall apart, even WORSE...I am watching myself fall apart, and as hard as I try to deny being sick, I AM! UGH! I used to leap piles of BS with a single bound, I could do anything I set my mind to, ...I WAS VIBRANT! I was young. I see now, how there's a balance to things, youth and wisdom are like oil and water. I have always said that I've lived two lifetimes, and it really does feel that way, but I want a chance to finish this one. I'm selfish like that. I want my husband to succeed and thrive with his work, I want my Children to find their way to happiness, I want to ENJOY the rest of MY life. I want the secret formula. I want the energy to implement it. I want to be Happy. I've worked my Ass off, I'll gladly keep working for it, but that Wolf scares the hell out of me.
I will now attempt to allow myself the freedom to express my truest feelings, without 15 edits. You have been warned.
it's 1:32 am, there are COYWOLVES(YES THEY DO EXIST) Howling next to my house. I am without a doubt loosing my mind, and I really don't care. The last few months have been a ride through crazytown. Up, then down, manageable, and then Holyfuckballs! EVERY feckin day is a new Mountain to cross, a new hurdle to leap, a new Crisis to handle. Everything from daily Chaos, to Death. I know "That's Life" but I'm tired. I need to find a way to not give a shit. When people I Love, or even folk I barely know are hurting, I'm affected. If I could just keep the empathy and sadness at arms length, I would probably feel better. The problem is, the people CLOSEST to me are going through some REALLY bad stuff, Immediate family! I HAVE A LOT OF FAMILY! I wish I could fix everything and everyone all of the time! (God Complex! ?) I hate having to sit by, and watch things fall apart, even WORSE...I am watching myself fall apart, and as hard as I try to deny being sick, I AM! UGH! I used to leap piles of BS with a single bound, I could do anything I set my mind to, ...I WAS VIBRANT! I was young. I see now, how there's a balance to things, youth and wisdom are like oil and water. I have always said that I've lived two lifetimes, and it really does feel that way, but I want a chance to finish this one. I'm selfish like that. I want my husband to succeed and thrive with his work, I want my Children to find their way to happiness, I want to ENJOY the rest of MY life. I want the secret formula. I want the energy to implement it. I want to be Happy. I've worked my Ass off, I'll gladly keep working for it, but that Wolf scares the hell out of me.