I have always tried to see past my past,(pun) I have absolved those who hurt and abused me. I never want to pile guilt on top of pain, their pain, the reason for a continuation of abuse. I'm beginning to realize however, that in hiding that part of me, I'm perpetuating the abusive cycle. I thought that if I forgave, and moved on... DETERMINED to do better, I could hide that Elephant in the corner. I was wrong. It trumpets and stomps, constantly reminding me of what and who I really am. My constant efforts to quiet it, to tame and control, it have left me paranoid and exhausted
. The past has it's own ability, a life of its own...and a way of reminding us of EXACTLY who we are... no matter how hard we try hide it. There's an Elephant in my room, I'm going to call it out, and shout it out...as kindly and as tactfully as I can... He's kinda fragile and spooks easily, ( I've been ignoring and neglecting him for a long, long time ) it's going to take awhile to nurture him enough to remove the curtain and cage. I think once he is set free and becomes part of my everyday existence, I can allow more honesty and openness into my life and my home. It's time to admit and acknowledge what has shaped me, while celebrating the incredibly strong and determined person I am now.