So, first blog.
I'm 44, I have a wonderful Husband, and 4 amazing kids... I also have Lupus.
I was diagnosed with Lupus about 3 Months ago, but I know it's been there a long, long time. I was immediately put on steroids and an anti-malaria drug, along with various vitimins, combined with previous meds. I literally consume a toxic cocktail of meds twice daily in hopes that it will stop my disease from attacking vital organs, doesn't make sense does it?
The Steriods make me highly suceptible to infection, and virus. I was never beautiful, but reasonably attractive... The meds have aged me 5 yrs within months, I look like a Cabbage Patch Granny, that has been hit by a Mac Truck.
The hopelessness is the hardest part, despite increasing meds, steroid pills, shots and infusions, the beast is growing, consuming me, raping me of every ounce of self. I am now a shell of who I have always thought myself to be.
I would almost be ok with Lupus, and the fight, if I could lift the debilitating depression. I always try and keep a positive front publicly, I talk about being a warrior, not giving up, and... Hope....
Hope.
Hope has left the building faster than Fat Elvis in Sequins, leaving Anger and Dispair to clean up.
If you're looking for the silver lining to this Blog, there isn't one. I could go on and on about how many others have it so much worse, about how lucky I am to have what I have... Truth is, I'm tired of the stiff upper lip.
Fuck You Lupus.